One of the ironic verities of life, it has been said, is that sorrow is sometimes a touchstone of love.” – Justice Regalado
I wasn’t supposed to write anything about my recent experience, but I want to preserve this feeling for others to learn from it as well. We are always confronted with the question if there is true love or the concept of forever really exists. In telenovela and romantic movies, yes, but in real life it is not that easy to simulate.
Almost 7 years ago, I fell in love with an improbable person. Our relationship initially survived it being underground until it exploded. It landed in the headlines and subjects of gossipers and self-proclaimed showbiz writers. It was difficult, but it did not matter, despite the discrimination, despite the mockery, I strived hard to redefine love. The first point is love is a matter of courage. It not only a good and romantic feeling but also a belief that you need to prove to be true. It is a shared conviction worth dying for. Without courage there is no real love.
It was seven long years of nurturing relationship. From graduating in a nursing school to working in a call center, sailing to Manila, working in a hospital, many more and many more. Because of this seven long years, it is very difficult to move on because every small thing I see, I see him. When I see Jollibee, I remember him, every time I cross EDSA I remember him. His memories bleed across my timelines and my present reality. He became a part of my system. Love offers an experience distinct from other else.
Before he flew to Europe he forged an absolute promise of returning and fighting for what we have built together. He is one of the reasons why I took up law. I want to defend him when the time comes. I want to personally advocate for his rights and privileges. Then suddenly, he told me that he doesn’t love me anymore. He is happy now meeting with other people whom he barely knew. My automatic answer was YES, because depriving him of his happiness is offending the constitution and the fundamental laws of the land.
Love is selfless. Love must be liberating.
What happens now after he inflicted all forms of pain there is to feel?
He is expecting me to be angry. But I’m sorry, I am not that kind of person.
I am thankful. I finally woke-up after 7 years.
I am now happy knowing that nothing will ever hit me quite as hard again. Nothing will ever be beautiful, but neither will anything hurt as much.
“If they were meant to be in your life, nothing could ever make them leave. If they weren’t nothing in the world could make them stay.” – Lang Laev