We are told that we are weak, but now that we are in quarantine again, while reflecting, maybe this is an excellent time to trace our story and identify the sources of your strength.
Three and a half years ago, I decided to leave nursing and enter law school. Last night, while watching the news, I reviewed my decision. What could life have been if I chose to fly to Europe?
But I think past events placed me in this position. Twenty-eight years ago, I could have been a victim of Unintentional abortion punishable under Article 257 of the Revised Penal Code, but my mother cried, and I was saved.
When I was nine years old, I was placed on a witness stand to testify before a judge against my father. The horrors of cross-examination are still in my mind. Luckily, People vs. Hermosa (2001) qualified me as a competent witness. The defense failed to challenge my competency.
My mom and I during that time suffered every day from mental anguish, not until in 2004 when Republic Act 9262: Anti-Violence against Women and Their Children Act of 2004 was enacted punishing acts or omissions causing or likely to cause mental or emotional suffering such as repeated verbal abuse and marital infidelity.
We applied for annulment of marriage, but we don’t have the financial resources to overcome the powers of the Family Code of the Philippines respecting the sanctity of marriage.
When I was 18 years old, in high school, I was bullied because I am gay. Thanks to Ang Ladlad Partylist vs. COMELEC, the Supreme Court ruled that homosexuality is not a crime. They did not turn a blind eye to the fact that, through the years, homosexual behavior, and perhaps homosexuals themselves, have borne the brunt of societal disapproval.
After taking my oath as a registered nurse, OBERGEFELL et al., v. HODGES in 2014 recognized that marriage between two people of the same sex when their marriage was lawfully licensed, and members of the LGBT community has the right to marry whom they want to marry.
In 2016, I was assigned as a nurse of the late Senator Miriam Defensor Santiago. After the nursing law veto increasing the wages of nurses, she told me to leave nursing and enter law school. I wrote a viral letter to the President, she was very happy, but it was not enough to turn the tides.
With all of these backdrops, every time I feel weak, alone, exhausted, suicidal, I always think of the big picture, the big “why.” I realized that to acquire strength, we must first acknowledge the big misconception that suppressing all our emotions signifies strength. I reject this, and we have one more option.
This Holy Week, as the country faces the horrors of the pandemic, appreciate the stillness of life, and revisit the things that hurt you. Open the boxes full of grief and unload them because every space in your life occupied by this worthless toot deserves a new occupant.
I’ll close by lifting a paragraph from Jeff Brazier’s book, on the Grief Survival Guide, “Strength is allowing yourself to be vulnerable, to be real and to answer honestly and questions you are posed on a daily basis on your emotional state. To be able to live in the moment, no matter how unappealing that truth is, is to show great courage and kindness to yourself.
Trace your story today. Have a blessed Holy Week!
MUTYA_PH 