2019 tested our limitations. It is a relatively tough year for everyone. As for myself, it is the most agonizing. It was in January that I felt disconnected. I never felt the presence of a Higher Being. I grew apathetic, anxious, and ambivalent about the meaning and purpose of life. My grip with faith weakened.
You are not alone last year praying that 2019 would give us an easy and beautiful year. You are not alone when destiny gave us otherwise. I know you were taken aback when events hit you in an intensity you never felt before. I feel your bleeding heart when your expectations fell short and ended flowing into the drain of misfortunes and disappointments.
2019 also forced us to accept obligations we were never prepared for. It never gave us the honeymoon period to cope and adjust. With desperation and out of control, we hurt those who are close to our hearts, we lied multiple times maybe to protect ourselves, or to preserve our dignity. Our actions despite so pure were misinterpreted and were used to hurt us. We felt we were used, we were raped, and controlled. I too felt all of every day of my life last year.
2019 also tempted us to travel exhaustively with the hope of finding ourselves. We needed to escape. We needed fresh air. We hid ourselves in places where we think were safer. We concealed our true feelings because we are scared people would perceive us fragile. We write verses and melodies for our self, expecting that one day we could sing this for others.
But there is one good thing 2019 has brought us- Necessary pain.
Sometimes we feel pain as a sign of growth and transformation. And pain without love and grace is unbearable. Most of the time, pain is one of the main avenue of the Lord to test us, to reach for us.
As the year approaches its end tonight, I would like to share how He employed the voices of my friends to send His message and to express his presence during the darkest periods of 2019. Most of the times, we failed to appreciate this because we are too occupied of the pointless noise around us. A substantial pause, reflection, and detachment are of great help. Therefore, I went to an island for 10 days to reflect, and I heard the following voices:
Alfred – “Life is surely not kind to you but I do hope that you will still continue to force yourself to finding meaning and strength to carry on not only for the people who love you but also to the people who hate you.”
Jepoy – “Kuys, are we good?”
Jerome – “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” – Galatians 6:9
Rexell – “Prioritize yourself. I believe in you.”
Charibel- “Friendship is far more important than any possessions.”
Hanna Joy- “ Go to church.”
Kevin – “I want you to know that when you need me, I’ll always respond.”
Maia- “I love you Mutya.”
Carl – Sizzzz, do you want to walk to PC?
Judy – “Mutya, you will survive. Jeallybean will be needing you.”
Jeannie- “You are loved Mutya.”
Pau- “Be mindful Kuya, I will pray for you.”
Mitch- “I am proud of you.”
Borj- “Our precious gem, salamat.”
Jasper: “You are an inspiration to me, please be strong.”
Adrian: Kuyaaaa Mikeeeeeeee, let’s go to Megamall.
Nico: Babe, huggggsss.
So 2019, if you think I will end this year without honoring God who transfigured through my friends, then you are wrong bitch! Thank you to all my friends who were patient enough to guide me. Forgive me for all of my sins and shortcomings. I will make up to you this coming year.
2020 pasok!
#end
MUTYA_PH 